I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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