i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
