my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
