just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
