just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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