it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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