I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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