Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
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