you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
