My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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