Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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