remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
