tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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