I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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