Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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