I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
