I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
only you would photoshop your dick
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
