Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We just shotgunned beers for America
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
