I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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