I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i want to swaddle you in tequila
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just had sex on a roof
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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