I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she smelled like a LAN party
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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