I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
