our cab driver is having phone sex.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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