"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
