Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
