Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
