she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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