if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
