There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
