Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
