ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
