Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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