so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
