He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
