And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
