The best revenge is premature balding
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
