Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I want to have your abortion
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
