Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
