There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
