i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
one two three fourrrrnication!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
