i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you traded sex for a burrito?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
