Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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