So drunk its hurt
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
