Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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