No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
