You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
