shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
