if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
50% drunk capacity currently
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
