he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
