I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
