my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
