his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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