meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
